Recent
weeks I have too much work to do. I am going out at 7 am
and coming home around 8 pm. In such tense moments I forget who I am, I forget “the little
moments”, and switch to autopilot.
Tonight, however, I
decided to ignore everything and everyone around and to give myself a well
deserved laziness. Lying on the couch with a sinful amount of chocolate and
listening music of my time, the good old 90's, when commercial was an
unfamiliar word. And I was in love with grunge.. Pearl Jam and Smashing Pumpkins...
Do you remember them?
So what
is better than that for Wednesday evening? Well, 4 years ago I would have and
rum & coke, but this time passed. Then I did the unthinkable-I opened the
album with old photos.
For seconds I just flew over the years- this is me 5 years ago, 10 years ago,
15 years ago… How I got so old, so fast??? And I used to have a braiding
hair? Memory is such a funny thing- it is not true that people do forget
only bad things… I forgot a lot of great moments with great friends at great
places.
We grew up,
everyone has their way and we forget what bind us together. We moved away and
with the time the distance between us became huge. In fact, now we see each
other once a year. Life is a strange thing- it drags you in its whirlwind and
did not leave you a chance to take a breath. The everyday routine, the
problems, the work erases day by day who you are and what makes you happy.
I have a friend
who gave birth to her second child 4 years ago and I never found time to visit
her. The reason-she lives of 500 km from me. Whether this will be a serious
reason, when I'm 70 years old and give myself assessment of my life?
But distance is not the only reason- during my one year interferon treatment I
missed several weddings, birthdays, parties ... I can confidently say that
interferon took what could from me. What it gave me-I do not know. The truth is
that I always invented apologize for my absence. How much easier would be if I
could then skip the border and tell the truth, "Friends, I have hepatitis.
I am on treatment right now. I feel bad, I cannot come".
Fear is
such a great power. Against it, I got a few blank pages that I had to fill with
memories and photos. But I didn’t.
Then I could not utter those words. Now I can. It seems, with the years, in an
addition with the wrinkles I got and courage to say who I am. What I got.
I have
hepatitis B. It is so simple.
I only know that my life is here now, and there is no a valid reason to miss
any of it either.
To be alive is such a great feeling. Keep smiling!